Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. - Bella

If I manage to scrape together 1000 dollar before March-ish I will be spending my 17th in the lovely city on London, England.

I will be with my lovely older sister Siobhan who is over there as an Au-pair. Well she works in Ireland but we would be staying in a beautiful apartment which is owned by her employers parents.

And if I manage to get this money, I could quite possibly be snuck into one of the new it clubs dancing up a storm. Maybe even VIP. This is if I manage to work enough over the rest of the holidays to afford it. But I would feel extremely over the moon happy if I could because:

1* I would have worked for it.

2* I would be also making my sister really happy cause we won't see her until hopefully at Christmas.

So fingers crossed and I'll wish on my lucky star.

xx raid

A new year.

A new reason to hope.

xx raid

Why must I always be scared of possibility?
Why must I crave for something I'll no doubt reject when offered?

Why must I regret everything only to wish I didn't.

Why must I insist I'm happy and fine with everything when I so far from it.

Why must I dream of the perfect guy only to be disappointed again and again?

Why for the love of God must I constantly kid myself about my feelings and hide them from those I love?

Why is it that only the conversations in my head work out happily ever after?

And why, why does nobody see that I'm dying inside.

I need to make a change.